What is the issue with the HTML Standard?
At least as per the first test of https://github.com/WebKit/WebKit/blob/main/LayoutTests/fast/forms/select-ask-for-reset.html (which I think Chromium has an equivalent of, but should really be upstreamed to WPT, and Chromium still passes), selectedness should only change if the select element "owner" ended up changing in some way.
This would also require changes to the DOM standard as we have to know the new/old parent of the subtree that got inserted/removed in order to determine whether something changed.
cc @josepharhar